"Scope for Improvement"

It was my usual English class yesterday and I was observing the performance of a student in reading practice.  The “observations or comments” session was towards the end during which I recollected the sequence I used to follow during my training programmes at colleges. First the students used to comment on their own performance, then rest of the class and me at the end.

There is Scope for Improvement. One common observation by everyone used to be “There is Scope for Improvement”. I too used to say the same to almost everyone and talk about the need to strive hard in future for continuous improvement. The session over, I returned home and did not think about it till today’s morning.

During my early morning “Connect Session” today, I unknowingly kept on repeating the words “there is scope for improvement”. With eyes closed and focus turned inwards, I kept repeating the words till it became a chant.

Is there any Scope for Improvement in me? The chant was so powerful that it took over all my faculties and made me question myself.  “Is there any scope for improvement in me”? I asked myself. “Yes. There was and is plenty”. The reply was instantaneous.  Inward looking as I was, the answer was no surprise to me and I started bringing in front of me pictures, events, relationships, habits  and conversations of the past as well as the present. As I went through them dispassionately, it indeed was a revelation.

“In The past;

My meager efforts to connect with self and the God Almighty,

Speak about the immense scope for improvement in my inward journey;

There must have been scope for improvement in the way I looked after my family,

But, it was never expressed by them because of their love and respect for me;

What I gave back to the society must have fallen short by miles,

But, it was never revealed to me out of decency;

I must have fallen wayside in cementing relationships;

But, never spoken by my near and dear ones as they did not want to hurt me;

When I think about the disturbance caused to others by my habits,

Talking and laughing loudly,

Shaking hands too strongly,

I sense the scope for improvement,

once again it was never mentioned by others  as a sign of solidarity"

The list goes on and on but, I decided to stop it for now and concentrate upon what is to be done in future.

“Going forward;

I resolve to speak slowly, smoothly and only when required,

Conserving time and energy to connect with self and the God;

Make forgiveness a habit and forget what and who caused me pain;

Reach out to those, whom I might have hurt,

And vow to not to repeat;

Cleanse all the filters; be transparent and calm;

Give back to the society in good measure,

And help the needy with pleasure”.

Twilight; the Connect. I agreed with my inner self and assured it that I will live up to its expectations. However, I had one question to ask “Why did you not take me on this path when I was young and had plenty of life ahead to make amends? I am almost at the twilight of my life and I feel that I need to work double time to achieve my goals”. It answered with a broad smile “Be happy that you are on this path at least now. Imagine how bad you would have felt if it was delayed further”

I nodded in agreement and I heard it say “Raise and Shine”

"My Father - My Guide"

With the untimely rains lashing for the last two days, there was a nip in the air when I walked into my balcony early in the morning yesterday. It felt as if winter has set in and I went up onto the terrace for a stroll. The huge trees surrounding my house were swinging their heads as if they were welcoming the morning and the immense possibilities it brings in. Amongst them are a few coconut trees whose branches fall onto the terrace. I have a habit of touching them fondly and remember my childhood in coastal Andhra which is abundantly blessed with greenery and coconut groves.

Yesterday, my memories went beyond the coconut trees and drew images of me going to the fields with my father. I must have been ten years old then and made it a habit to tag along my father to the fields in the afternoons. This must be because my father used to travel a lot and his stay at home was intermittent and short. Hence, I did not want to miss any chance of being with him.  

One image which is very strong is that of our returning home in the twilight. My father used to be in the lead walking along small raised pathways between two sections of a field with a basket full of grass on the head and a bag of vegetables in one hand. I used to cling on to his other hand and be guided through hard soil, freshly tilled earth, fencing made of thorny bushes and water gushing out of bore wells. I used to take pride in using his towel as a turban, hold sickle in one hand and imagine me becoming a big farmer. My face used to beam with happiness when we enter the village since that was the time when my friends could see me along with my father. Reaching home, I used to have hot water bath, be fed by my mother, snug closely to my father and fall off to sleep.

Why are these images coming in front of me now? Am I missing my father or something else? As I think deeply, I feel that the reason is I am longing for that guiding hand once again. After having left the guiding hand for the last five decades, a strong feeling about the happiness and security I felt in the presence of my father engulfed me.

As I sat on the terrace deep in my thoughts, I felt someone touching my shoulder caringly. I heard a voice saying “don’t you ever think that the guiding hand has left you. In fact, it was and is with you. I was with you in thick and thin and will always be” I sat in silence for a while and asked “why did I feel that the guiding hand is no longer with me? Why am I longing for it now? Why didn’t I feel so in the last fifty years?”

“You were too busy with education, career, family and had little time to think about you being guided by me. Now that you have some time on your hands, your life is unwinding in front of you and showing images of the things which were and still are very important to you. I must say that you are lucky. You are able to see those images and make meaning out of them”. It was a revelation for me and I nodded in agreement.

The voice went on “Come into my fold and unfold.  You have a lot to share and learn. There is a world beyond this world with things unknown to you. Let me guide you through the world within you and the world beyond. Hold my hand with the same trust, belief and faith with which you held it five decades ago.  Close your eyes and follow me”. I felt the hand tighten on my shoulder and then release the grip. When I closed my eyes, I saw myself being guided by my father on a different path into a different world.

"The Home"

It was one of those early morning hours when I sat in my “Little Heaven”, made myself comfortable and started the inward journey to enter “The Home”. Soon after I closed my eyes and started the journey, I saw an old man in front of me, smiling and nodding his head as if he is welcoming me. When I looked at him enquiringly, he said “what took you so long to come back? You are not to be seen on this path as often as you used to be earlier”.

The above words struck me hard and I speeded up my inward journey to find answers. The old man followed and kept looking at me as if he expected an answer then and there.  I was just about to reach “The Home”; a place where I find solace; a place to contemplate; a place to connect with self and the almighty. Then he stopped me and demanded an answer.

“I think I lost my way for a while”. I was surprised by my own answer. “Did I really lose the way? Is it possible that I could not find the way to my own inner self? If yes, where was I going?” The old man kept smiling at me when the above questions were gushing out of my mind like an unstoppable current.  He seemed to know my mind and even the answers.

His countenance shining brightly, he patted my back and said “You were lost in things external; were so much preoccupied with mundane day-to-day happenings that you forgot to rise yourself above your own self. That is why the inward path upon which you used to travel everyday seems to be new today”

The old man’s words struck a chord in me and I folded my hands in reverence. His smile grew broader and he said “once you start travelling on the inward path and visit “The Home”, you need to develop the resolve to be away from all distractions; let  the journey become your  second nature till you become the journey itself”.

So saying, the old man vanished and I found myself at “The Home”; a home which is very close to my heart and mind; a home which I need to be connected to throughout my waking and sleeping hours. With the above firmly resolved, my joy found no bounds and I could see myself going up and down the path with renewed energy and child like happiness.