"My Grandfather"

I did not have the fortune of seeing even one grandparent of mine and used to wonder as to how it would have been if at least one of my grandparents lived till I was a toddler.  My thoughts lead me into visions; of me running up to my grandparent into his or her outstretched arms; clinging as if to be shielded from imaginary evils; play and run around in the court yard; be pampered; sleep besides him or her and listen to stories; be taken into a world of fantasy; be fed and cared; so many things which my heart can feel and my mind envision.

My memories go back to our small village and my childhood friends. Some of my friends were fortunate to have grandparents and I used to see them tagging along their grandparents on the only street our village boasted of. The grandparents used to keep an eye on their grandchildren while they played and had some homemade snack to offer on their way back home. Holding the hands of their grandparents, my friends used to beam with joy and go home skipping and hopping.

 I, who did not know the joy of knowing a grandparent was away from such happiness till the time I met my Grandfather on a summer afternoon nearly four and half decades ago. It was a hot summer afternoon and a nap was justified. I lay on the floor of our hall and must have dozed off for quite some time. After what seemed to be infinity, I opened my eyes, looked up at the ceiling first and then behind my head.

The Image. Sitting near my head was an image of a very tall man, clad in white clothes  and seemed to be blessing me in some manner. I could hardly see his face but could make out that he is an old man with a benevolent face.

I got up with a start and turning backwards tried to locate him but he was gone.  Though his image vanished, the scene was permanently etched in my heart, mind and soul.

“Could he be My Grandfather? Did he come to give me a glimpse of my grandparent so that the longing in me ceases? Did he appear to say that I have someone who takes care of me from above and that there is nothing to worry?”

There were many questions cropping up in my mind but, I could hardly find any answers. For the next four and half decades, I got busy in career, family and self education so much so that I did not try to find answers to the above questions.

The Connect. Recently, during my early morning connect sessions, I saw the image appear again and it kept appearing continuously thereafter. One day, the more I looked at it, the clearer it became I exclaimed with joy “Grandfather”.

The image nodded its head with a big smile on its face and kept looking at me; its warmth radiating an unknown energy in me; the love in the eyes making me forget that I never saw any of my grandparents; its touch taking me back to my childhood. I could envision myself playing with my grandfather, running around our ancestral house, around coconut and banana trees, accompanying him wherever he went, cuddling up to him and being pampered.

As if understanding what is going in my mind, My Grandfather asked me “would you like to do all those things now”? I looked at him in surprise and said “yes” gleefully.

He took my hand, made me get up from my sitting posture and started walking. I felt as if I was walking on thin air and the surroundings seemed to be pleasant and new. I tugged at his hand as if to ask where we were going. He turned around and said “into a world unexplored; unaware; where you will be left with me and me alone. Enjoy the bliss”

“Will you be gone as happened in the past”? I asked.

“No. Call me from your inner self and I will appear. I am with you, within you  and will be forever”.

All of a sudden, as if thinking aloud I said “What if I want to see you as a grandchild of mine and play with you as a grandfather? Can the roles be switched?

The Higher Level.“Certainly. Its not the role which matters but the love and affection with which it is played. You can see me in whatever form you want to”. So saying, My Grandfather moved into a higher level beckoning me to follow.

 

"The Cloud Burst"

It was a surprise that heavens should shower few rain drops on the parched earth on a summer night. I had just gone to bed the night before, when the mother earth started giving out sweet fragrance as a symbol of joy; the joy of receiving blessings from the clouds.

I kept on lying on the bed and waited in anticipation of a heavy shower. It materialized very soon and the rain drops started falling slowly and steadily. 

It was a welcome change and I could not resist the temptation to go on to the terrace and catch a glimpse of the summer guest. The rain was gathering momentum by the time I reached the terrace. I pulled a chair and sat under the open sky. Thick dark clouds were looming large over the sky and were making their presence felt through loud thunder and bright lightening.

All of a sudden, the clouds burst at their seams and emptied themselves to their heart’s content. I kept looking at the clouds, sat on the chair all through the “Cloud Burst” and was fully drenched.

 “Are you happy that you have lightened your heart’s burden?”I asked the clouds.  “Yes. We are” was the answer.

I was taken aback when the clouds asked me “You also must be feeling light since you also unburdened yourself”.

“Who? Me? What have I got to unburden? I was just watching you burst in joy and shower  your gifts on the parched earth” I replied.

“Then, why were you sobbing?”The clouds asked me.

“No. I wasn’t. It must be the sound of the thunder”. I replied.

The clouds smiled and asked another question “What is that which is rolling down on your cheeks”?

“It must be the rain water” I said.

The clouds laughed loudly and said “The rain water doesn’t taste salty. We can make out from your lips that the water rolling down your cheeks is salty. Your parched lips bear testimony. Were you not crying”?

I had no way of escaping from the truth and simply said “yes”. It was with great difficulty that the words left my parched lips.

The clouds were in an upbeat mood and asked another question “May we know the reason for your getting drenched in the rain and unburdening your heart”?

When I spoke, I found myself opening up. “With the rain water, I was cleansing myself of all the mistakes; both committed and perceived; both intentional and unintentional; and since God has not gifted me to shower sweet rain drops on my parched lips, my heart, while unburdening itself has gifted me salty water.  Even if it is salty, I am savoring it since it is my own”

The clouds nodded their heads and said “is that the reason for a big smile on your face? May we know why a smile under these circumstances?”

“I am smiling at myself” I said as if to deviate from the topic and asked the clouds “now that you have unburdened yourself what will you do further”?

The clouds said “during the summer we go out into the hot Sun, gather water and preserve it for our beloved earth and its precious children; during spring, we shield the flower beds from heat and dust; during the long wintry nights we hang around the warm houses to keep them more warm; and you already know what we do during the rainy season; we give back everything and bring smiles on the faces of all the living creatures”

It was a perfect narration, which brought me back to my smiling self and I said “Please take me with you my dear clouds; make me light and help me take flight”

Snippets from Life -- "A Nobody"

 

“Why call it Snippets?  The closest meaning of this is bits and pieces and I hope you do not wish to call your work as bits and pieces” My mind asked me.  There was a faint smile on my face when I said “After all,  our lives when viewed from a broader perspective are bits and pieces and I do not mind calling my work as Snippets” My voice rang loud and clear and seemed to have disturbed the early morning silence.

Heavy Feet. Just then there was something else which disturbed the silence and it was the sound of footsteps. It was the sound of feet being dragged as if they are carrying enormous weight and have no strength left to be lifted and placed ahead. I hear this sound everyday and through a clearing in the thick leaves of the creepers in my balcony, see the person to whom the feet belong. The sight is always discomforting; the feet belong to an old man in tattered clothes, carrying a large bag over his shoulders, collecting rags and moving from one street to another.

Today, I decided to follow him as he went about his routine; walked behind him from one street to another; saw him rummage through the garbage cans; stuff the waste in the large tattered bag over his slender shoulders and move in silence. He wore a disturbing silence around him except for the sound of his feet. It was still dark and I could not see his face or feet clearly. My mind nevertheless went ahead in spite of the darkness and started imagining ; of his background;  of the circumstances he faced in life; what made him a rag picker; his support systems and last but not the least the question whether he has any kith and kin or is alone.

By this time, the old man stopped near a tea stall by the corner of the street, put down the large bag and squatted on the floor. The tea stall opens early in the morning; for the morning walkers and the people who wait for the bus in the nearby bus stand. As I was still thinking about the old man, the man in the tea stall handed over a cup of tea to him as if it was a daily routine. Looking beyond the horizon, the old man accepted the cup of tea and started sipping it silently. The silence was becoming unbearable to me. I asked for a cup of tea for myself and moved closer to the old man. He looked up at me and that was the time I saw his face clearly.

Bright Face. His face was in contrast to his feet; bright; a big smile on the lips; sparkling eyes. It was such as to beget lot of respect automatically.  I do not know what made me do so but, I found myself placing a hand over his shoulder and he looked up at me in surprise. I gave him a friendly smile, ordered another cup of tea for each of us and sat next to him.

He continued to look at me in surprise as if he was unable to understand the reason for my friendliness. Even the man in the tea stall looked surprised. “I am interested to know about you” I found myself asking the old man. Surprise turning into disbelief, he merely said “about me?” I nodded my head and focused all my energy towards him.  It took some time for him to get over the disbelief and speak the first syllable which was no more than an incoherent murmur.  “I am a nobody.  I have shed my external form and have become a nonentity”.

The philosophical note in the answer surprised me and I could not believe that such an answer can come from a person who to the outside world is a rag picker. “What is he referring to? Is he something beyond what meets the eyes”?

A Nobody. Unmindful of what I was thinking, he went on in his rumbling voice as if a flood gate has been opened. “There were times when I thought that my external form was all pervasive and was on an endless external voyage; without an anchor; let the wind dictate the terms; sails following wind as an obedient servant. At times, I was stuck in midstream because there was no wind. I didn’t know which way to go. But, it slowly dawned upon me that I am the wind to my sails, that it is within me and not outside.  Ever since then, it is a different voyage. In fact, it is a journey; not in my external form but in an unfathomable inner self. That is when I shed my external form and became a nobody”.

It was as if I was hit by a ton of bricks. I was unable to say anything and could only mutter “Then why a rag picker’s form”? He smiled as if he knew what was coming and said “I am cleansing and purifying my soul”.

As if he finished what he had to say, he got up and moved away dragging his heavy feet slowly.