“Sixty has become Three Hundred and Sixty”.

Over the last few months I have had a strong feeling that my life has taken a full circle and that it took sixty years for me to reach the starting point. It may even be called as the end of one circle and that is the reason I have termed this stage of my life as “Sixty has become Three Hundred and Sixty”. The second circle has begun and I am back to my childhood. A childhood where my present matured mind is seeking answers to many questions which remained unanswered during my actual childhood and is trying to ascribe meanings to a lot of things unexplained. For this, I know that I have to get into my childhood in all earnestness in thought and form and come out once in a while to put my experiences on paper.

An image which is very strongly etched on my mind is that of my father returning home after long tours of musical concerts. He was a “Carnatic Sangeeta Vidwan” and used to perform at various places in and out of Andhra Pradesh and used to be on tours spanning few days to few months. One had to cross a small stream to enter our village and usually I used to spot my father crossing the stream on his return from tours; a Tanpura (a veena like instrument used to provide rhythm) in one hand and bedding in the other hand. What I felt immediately was a sense of joy and security. I am the last but one of my siblings and by the time I came to know the ways of the world, all my elder siblings had moved out of the village. Though my mother used to take good care of me and my younger sister, I longed for the presence of my father around me.  The short spells which I spent with my father are a real treasure; the way I used to hold his hand and go to our field, happily play around when he is tending to the coconut trees, listen to him practicing “Thyagaraya Keertanas” and be attentive when he is offering prayers to “Syamala Devi”. The way I used to cuddle up to him and listen to the stories narrated by him is something beyond explanation.

That was as far as I understood. What I didn’t understand at that point of time was why should he remain away from me for such long spells of time and why can’t I spend every hour of everyday with him. What I also didn’t visualize is how my life is going to be shaped by the longing which is inside me.

Looking back now I understand that the joy of seeing my father was because I wanted to be like every other child of the village; to be always alongside my father; to share joy, fear and difficulties; to feel protected; to be pampered; to show off small little achievements and be rewarded. The above might have sounded very small for those children who were fortunate to have their fathers live and work in the village, but for me it was a fortune.  Those children had other things of the world to be shared and enjoyed but for me “My Father was My World”.

My matured mind is now trying to take over and is saying “It was a great sacrifice on the part of your father; touring and musical concerts were a means to support his family and he did it with great love and devotion. Do you know that he too missed his family as much as you missed him? If you recollect the way he embraced you on his return and the quality time he spent with you is something which can last a whole lifetime. May be that is the reason you are being drawn towards your childhood now”.

I know that there are many images and many feelings to follow!